Review of Star Trek: Into Darkness

So, as always, there are spoilers ahead. A lot of them. Do you think you are ready for that?


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Do you?

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Positive?

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Ok, well Benedict Cumberbatch is Kahn. Happy? Now let's get on with the review.

Star Trek: Into Darkness is thematically about terrorism, duty, 9/11, friendship, and running. Seriously, there is a lot of running. The movie is roughly 85% running. The movie begins with running, characters progress through running, all of the set pieces are explored through running, and the movie's explosive climax is a lot of running.

Scotty runs.

Kahn runs.

Spock runs after Kahn.

Scotty is still running.

People run on walls.

People run through Felucia.

People run through the Pillar of Autumn.

People run on reflective surfaces.

Scotty is still running.

Out of the film's 133 running minutes, it seems around 114 of those are literally running minutes. Granted, I am surely exaggerating- but I really wanted a vehicle to reference both Halo and Star Wars in this, so now I can go on to the actual review.

The film opens on Nibiru, a planet named presumably to draw in Star Trek's key demographic of YouTube conspiracy theorists. There we open to a brilliant plan (and a good deal of running). Kirk and doctor fellow are running. As the plan unveils, we find that they are on a mission to save a blossoming civilization of the Engineers from Prometheus from a volcano.

Star Trek: Into Darkness- a prequel/reboot of a prequel/reboot

To save them, Krik has stolen a scroll of theirs (for reasons, presumably) and is running from their brand of speary rage. This is all a distraction so that Spock can rappel into the volcano and science the damn thing until it is rendered inert. I don't know how much of this makes sense, honestly. I was a bit distracted by the colors and the running and the theorizing about how this ties Star Trek to Alien (I just wanna see Aliens vs. Borg, dammit!). Honestly, this reaction to the first scene will end up defining a lot of how I feel about the movie, but I suppose I should leave that for some sort of concluding paragraph so anyways...

Eventually Spock is left sciencing solo in his Mjolnir armor as the volcano is ready to go all Mustafar over him (still got it). Of course the Prime Directive dictates that the Enterprise can't come and pick him up at the risk of being spotted. And of course Kirk ignores the Prime Directive to save his buddy. And of course Spock is unhappy that they broke the rules. And of course Uhura is upset with Spock's selfish selflessness. At that point the character development is rammed down our throat. The interactions between the characters seem less like how the characters would actually interact and more like the characters acting like exaggerated versions of the themselves. There are only so many times Spock can sit in silence at his inability to understand the emotions being flushed in his face before it stops seeming genuine. The key to character development is subtlety, and every time Spock has a 'moment,' all subtlety is thrown out the window and instead J.J. Abrams flashes a huge sign that says 'THIS IS TOUGH FOR SPOCK' over Zachary Quinto's head. And lens flare. The same occurs for Kirk throughout, which is particularly difficult for me. Anytime they try and play up the complicated character that is James. T. Kirk, I am just not convinced. I know many people love Chris Pine in these films, but I just can't buy into his douchey and smarmy brand of charm. Again, the large flashing sign over his head that says 'HE IS A REBEL AND A VAGRANT, BUT HAS A GOOD AND MORAL CENTER' becomes off-putting. And lens flare. And presumably space herpes.

And whatever that face is. And lens flare.

Upon returning, RoboCop admiral is all mad that the Prime Directive was broken and strips Kirk of his rank. Two minutes later Kirk is the first captain of the enterprise again. 5 minutes later he is captain again. I understand why this was all necessary in terms of the plot, but it was very quick and perhaps if just a bit more time was spent on each stage it would have meant more. Throughout this we see the first glimpses of Benedict Cumberbatch, who really does excel in the villainous role. His mere presence exudes a confident danger, and his deep, British voice is as iconic as ever. It is not long before the paths cross as Cumberbatch is revealed to be John Harrison, a Starfleet agent turned terrorist. We see him splooge out his terrorism all over the Starfleet higher-ups (leading to Pike's death and Kirk's reinstatement as captain). Then a bizarre sideplot occurs. After the attack on the Starfleet commander's terrorist hunting tea party, there is a lot of allusions to Kirk being severely injured. He refuses the medical examination adamantly, Bones comments that something is not right with him, Spock notes the same. Eventually Kirk himself admits that something is wrong. At first I thought this would just be in reference to him losing Pike, but the refusal of the medical and Bones' examination seems odd. I wonder if there was a deleted sideplot about some physical injury here (that would later on be doubly resolved with Kirk's glorious resurrection later in the film). 

Either way, RoboCop admiral, having survived the attack, send Kirk and Co. to the Klingon homeworld to snatch up Terrorist Sherlock under the force of 72 top secret torpedoes. Though a risky move (as there are huge tensions between the warfaring Klingon empire and the war profiteering Admiral RoboCop), the enterprise moves out to find adventure and chaos and all that action move jazz.

Star Trek III: RoboCop vs. Xerxes

Kirk, Spock, Uhura, and two red shirts go to the Klingon homeworld of Kronos (man, those YouTube conspiracy theorists are gonna love this movie) where they are inevitably tied down by superior Klingon forces. Luckily they are saved by Benedict Cumberbatch who for this scene plays Vulcan Raven firing a Fuel Rod gun at a bunch of nameless Reavers (never gets old for me).

"SNAAAAAAAKE!"

Once the Klingon "random scouting party" (seriously?) is done with, Kirk encourages Cumberbatch to stand down under the force of the torpedoes. Cumberbatch asks how many. Kirk says 72. Cumberbatch says ok. Which brings us to the summer movie villainous trope fad- the villain is captured seemingly by force, but is obviously part of his plan to manipulate the heroes and do damage from within. I wonder how many times this can happen before the villains in question stop being iconic and start being redundant. I'm not knocking it, I am a fan of it, but it is quite predictable. Once the audience sees this shot of the villain being escorted by serious security as the villain calmly notes his surrounding, you know exactly what is happening.

Pictured: Cumberbatch's John Harrison noting Bruce Banner in the room to his right.

Not pictured: his 72 compatriots with cell phone' bombs stitched into their bellies.

Sure enough, they place him in a cell, take a blood sample that they put into a fuzzy thing (more on this stupidity later), and begin the questioning. Cumberbatch reveals that John Harrison is a lie, and he is Kahn. He reveals that the torpedoes are genetically altered WMD people like he is, and that Admiral RoboCop wanted to use them against the Klingons and yadda yadda yadda. What's important here is that you begin to see the more human side of Kahn, he actually becomes relateable and Admiral RoboCop becomes the baddie. Cumberbatch uses this space to ham up his character a bit, which works out very well (perhaps thanks to my bias of loving Benedict Cumberbatch).

"Welcome gentlemen, to my acting cage."

 Of course his ruthlessness (and impressive badassness) later on will cement that he is indeed a villain, but what is bizarre is that RoboCop stays safely irredeemable as well. This is strange as Admiral RoboCop represents the military, he is the face of military interests, and he is an absolute prick. This is only bizarre as the film ends with a dedication to the armed forces post-9/11. So, essentially you just watched a movie about how the government creates a terrorist to create war in a far off world, then exiles them, then abuses them, then gets surprised when that weaponized person turns back and terrorizes his creators, then sends in people to their deaths to stop him, and it ends with a dedication to the post-9/11 war veterans? Sorry, did I say 'bizarre'? I meant, 'painfully and ridiculously obvious social commentary.'

Anyways, it is not long before RoboCop and his superior starfleet ship 'Pegasus' attacks the Enterprise (hehe. Can't stop, won't stop) for custody of the war criminal. Eventually this leads to Kirk teaming up with Kahn to take down the Pegasus which everyone knows will likely end with Kahn in control of the most powerful ship in the galaxy. And... Yep. That is exactly what happens. The Enterprise ends up falling towards earth and to try and save it Kirk has to do some kind of radiation thing. I don't know. What's important is that the Enterprise is nearly destroyed after fucktons of action, and Kirk pays the ultimate price and dies (much like Spock died of radiation poisoning in the original Wrath of Kahn).

"ABRAAAAAAAAAMS!"

Meanwhile, Kahn crashes a helluva lot of ship into a city, and begins running (of course.) Spock, all angry and finally emotive, runs after. They run for a bit and then they begin the much more interesting business of beating the space snot out of each other. Meanwhile, the ship mourns the loss of their fearless and syphilitic leader. BUT WAIT! Remember how Bones took a blood sample of Kahn's super blood (which apparently makes him the Wolverine)? And then he stupidly put it (not just a bit of it, ALL of it), into a dead fuzzy creature? Well guess what happens next?

"My medical license is revoked?"

THE TRIBBLE LIVES! They can bring Kirk back to life, they just need some super blood. Apparently, they didn't actually use any of the blood they took from Kahn to examine, they just took a vial and said "fuck it, let's inject this into something fuzzy!" I was genuinely in shock about how silly this was, when the movie decided to shove some more stupid into my face. Bones declares urgently, "we can't kill Kahn." You know, because they need him alive to get some of his super blood to save Kirk. Because they didn't keep any of his super blood. But they also need to freeze Kirk in the meantime, so they take out one of frozen 72 genetically modified beings. You know, who are only dangerous because THEY ARE LIKE KAHN AND HAVE THE SAME GENETIC MODIFICATIONS so that they can freeze Kirk. You know, to wait until they can hopefully capture Kahn before Spock sees to turning his face into bloody future jam. So during this time, the crew is trying desperately to keep Spock from killing Kahn, so that they could use Kahn's super blood to revive Kirk, as Kirk is being frozen in one of the 72 containers that hold 72 frozen (and therefore not dangerous) super soldiers with super blood. Just lying there. Like frozen super-blood popsicles. Ugh.

At the end, they keep Kahn and co. alive for another day (but frozen, so that they can be defrosted if a sequel ever calls for it). There is some rushed character resolution and then the crew departs for a five year journey of exploration that could bode very well for future installations. The credits scroll by and we are reminded that this movie was about 9/11, or something.

Never forget.

The movie certainly had its fair share of stupid. The dialogue was frequently forced, the action and the plot were less original and rather just pastiches of Star Trek Sr., other large blockbusters preceding it, and apparently American foreign policy. But you know what? I don't care. It was damned fun. Even when I felt that I was being intellectually insulted, and when the subtext of character relations was shouted at me like Cortana describing mission objectives. Even when Cumberbatch and his oddly Voldermort-esque face were hamming up the room with his soliloquies. Even when the political undertones were as laid out as Ellen Tigh after a five day bender. Even when the mid-credits dedication to post 9/11 war vets was as unnecessary and oddly placed as all of my sci-fi references throughout this review. It was all just great. The soundscapes were impressive. J.J. Abrams tempered his predictable flare for lens flare with some intricate tracking shots and a large array of wide angle actions shots (something I am a sucker for, personally), and for the most part the action flowed nicely along and was always engaging and I am thoroughly excited to see how J.J. Abrams leads the franchise into the future.

Star Trek, may the force be with you. Always. 

And lens flare.

Cheers!

NC

P.S. Is it too late to change my Borg vs. Alien request to include Cylons and Daleks?

Review: Hannibal Episode 1

A friend recently (apropos of nothing) recommended the new NBC serial psychodrama Hannibal to me. Shrugging off the perceived implication that this friend believes I may find an intrinsic bond with cannibal/serial killers, I decided to download the pilot while reading some reviews for it. Pretty much every review lauded the acting, writing and overall thematic ambiance. I thought, 'what could go wrong?' So I cooked up some nice fava beans, popped open a semi-decent chianti and put it on the telly.

The red symbolizes blood, the grey and black symbolize mystery, and the font symbolizes being 

SO FUCKING EDGY!

Ok, so I am going to dive into this review right after a couple of qualifying statements.

1) There are spoilers ahead. Duh.

2) In order to write a comprehensive review I would have to remember names of characters, specific plot point details, and read/watch side material related to this title.

3) In order to achieve the points outlined in qualifying statement #2 I would have to rewatch the episode. 

4) I do not want to watch this episode again, so prepare for a more impressionistic review/recounting of Hannibal. 

5) Deal with it.

6) Or, you know, don't.

Alright, now we can get into the definitely well-outlined details of my review! Woo! So, here we go. Hannibal the show follows Professor Twitchy, an FBI lecturer who occasionally does psychological profiling on the side (presumably to pay for his bohemian dog whisperer hobby).

"Tell us that one about Jeffrey Dahmer again" -Says the Aphex Twin dog on the right

Apart from the protagonist's Baha Men membership card, we are also reminded that he possesses a drama-viable position on the autism spectrum. In what is a seemingly recent fad of media, the protagonist is written on a hotspot within the autism spectrum where he is able to affect an affinity for dissociative disorders while also being empathetic to viewers. Almost always being labeled as autistic or having Asperger's syndrome guarantees that the character in question will also be a sociopath (a stereotype I find about as offensive and removed from reality as all native American characters being shamans, all Jewish characters being money hungry, all elderly black janitor characters being a wise deity, or Tom Cruise being seen as an actual person). Sometimes this 'affable sociopath' characteristic is charming due to clever writing (see: Community's Abed or Sherlock's Sherlock), sometimes it is charming primarily due to the caliber of acting (House of Card's Frank J. Underwood), sometimes it isn't charming despite the acting ( Lie to Me's Dr. Cal Lightman), and in this case it is not charming because of both the writing and the acting.

Hugh Dancy's nervous and twitchy portrayal of a character with an acute form of Asperger Syndrome is about as graceful as trying to stick shift a dick to climax, his line delivery is as forced as the plot in a Pride & Prejudice porn parody, and his premonition dream sequences are about as poorly framed and gratuitous as the previous two analogies.The protagonist switches from frantic anxiety to introspective reservation in what appears to be an attempt at character depth, but instead comes across as lazy writing and poorly executed acting.  At one point, Laurence Fishburne's angry police chief trope of a character is informed that the protagonist is some sort of 'super empath'. They really wrote a character whose primary conflict was that he understands everyone but no one understands him? The combination of these elements reminds me less of a intellectually intriguing FBI profiler, and more of a teenager writing poetry about how no one understands him.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Being complicated."

The first portion of the show introduces Professor Twitchy and his FBI friends as they are drawn into the apparently related disappearances of several young women. They discover a body, something about antlers, and are able to figure out that there is cannibalism involved somehow by the fact that one body returns with a cancerous lung. I may have been drunk by this point, (having played the 'drink anytime Professor Twitchy has an amazing epiphany because of his super-human empathy' game) but it seems like a weird jump in logic to have one body return without anything eaten and decide that because nothing was eaten from this body and that the lung was cancerous, that the killer is a cannibal. I guess what would I know, I am not a super empath. Either way, the conclusion (as off the deep end as it should have been) is completely right. The FBI is impressed with Professor Twitchy's powers (even though they never in the entire episode find any evidence to back up the cannibalism claim). After Professor Twitchy's complete and total success in the case thusfar, they decide they need some mega psychologist, Hannibal Lecter (played by a man with a badass and awesomely alliterative name, 'Mads Mikkelsen'), to ominously offer advice and leer at the visibly shaken protagonist. This is when the show really gets into its strong suit: cutting to people eating food after talking about the serial killer.

Juxtaposition à la carte.

Hannibal and Professor Twitchy prove to have decent buddy cop chemistry. Mikkelsen's Hannibal plays it cool and smooth which draws out the hammier tendencies of his more irritating counterpart. At first this dynamic forced me to focus on what frustrated me about Professor Twitchy, but it really served as a wonderful vehicle to make Hannibal seem much more collected and menacing in all of their scenes together. When Hannibal decides to drop threats on the copy cat killer it truly felt threatening, when Hannibal brought food over for Professor Twitchy it felt pervers (I had meant to write 'perverse', but 'pervers' seems pretty good too). Mikkelsen added a much needed element to the show- tension. The first act and a half felt like a scramble for a thin veil of characterization of inherently flat characters, meaning that the show's namesake's introduction felt both refreshing and haunting. Unfortunately, the show was not able to ride this dynamic out for too long before peeving me again. The show's climax had to do with Professor Twitchy and Hannibal going to the home of who they suspected as being the serial killer (or Hannibal's copycat). The psychologist and the FBI profiling lecturer. Without police. Or backup. With a gun. Of course it quickly turns into a bloody shootout. I am not sure what the in-world explanation for such an action would be. From the FBI's perspective they just sent in some random psychologist and someone whose only competence seems to be in figuring out crimes based on feeling bad for people.

"Take one more step and I will empathize you in the fucking face!"

I understand the drive to have a climax in this kind of a show be action-packed and bloody but it also has to be both a logical culmination of the narrative and be emotionally deserved. This fails in both regards. The ending is brief and shallow, while hinting at what is to be the overall arch in terms of the complicated serial killer/buddy cop dynamic. There is potential here, but that potential will be wasted if it is anything like the episode's clunky and soulless beginning or its preposterous and ill-conceived conclusion. Hopefully the series can come to focus more on its nominal character instead of his sweaty and histrionic counterpart.

Cheers!

Nathan

P.S. It puts the comment on the blog or else it gets the hose again.

Hello everybody on the internet forever!

This is my little blog thing. I mainly write for myself to keep myself doing something I can vaguely justify as productive. However, if you are reading this blog and find some form of enjoyment out of it- you are welcome. I take cash, credit card, check, and high fives. I also take criticism and requests (but my attention to such posts will be directly correlated to how much/many cash, credit cards, checks, or high fives I receive from said poster). I hope to put reviews, critiques, random writing scribbles and medical discoveries here. I feel like you will either enjoy it or not enjoy it. I will take no questions on this matter. I am busy.

Cheers!
Nathan