So, as always, there are spoilers ahead. A lot of them. Do you think you are ready for that?
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Do you?
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Positive?
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Ok, well Benedict Cumberbatch is Kahn. Happy? Now let's get on with the review.
Star Trek: Into Darkness is thematically about terrorism, duty, 9/11, friendship, and running. Seriously, there is a lot of running. The movie is roughly 85% running. The movie begins with running, characters progress through running, all of the set pieces are explored through running, and the movie's explosive climax is a lot of running.
Scotty runs.
Kahn runs.
Spock runs after Kahn.
Scotty is still running.
People run on walls.
People run through Felucia.
People run through the Pillar of Autumn.
People run on reflective surfaces.
Scotty is still running.
Out of the film's 133 running minutes, it seems around 114 of those are literally running minutes. Granted, I am surely exaggerating- but I really wanted a vehicle to reference both Halo and Star Wars in this, so now I can go on to the actual review.
The film opens on Nibiru, a planet named presumably to draw in Star Trek's key demographic of YouTube conspiracy theorists. There we open to a brilliant plan (and a good deal of running). Kirk and doctor fellow are running. As the plan unveils, we find that they are on a mission to save a blossoming civilization of the Engineers from Prometheus from a volcano.
Star Trek: Into Darkness- a prequel/reboot of a prequel/reboot
To save them, Krik has stolen a scroll of theirs (for reasons, presumably) and is running from their brand of speary rage. This is all a distraction so that Spock can rappel into the volcano and science the damn thing until it is rendered inert. I don't know how much of this makes sense, honestly. I was a bit distracted by the colors and the running and the theorizing about how this ties Star Trek to Alien (I just wanna see Aliens vs. Borg, dammit!). Honestly, this reaction to the first scene will end up defining a lot of how I feel about the movie, but I suppose I should leave that for some sort of concluding paragraph so anyways...
Eventually Spock is left sciencing solo in his Mjolnir armor as the volcano is ready to go all Mustafar over him (still got it). Of course the Prime Directive dictates that the Enterprise can't come and pick him up at the risk of being spotted. And of course Kirk ignores the Prime Directive to save his buddy. And of course Spock is unhappy that they broke the rules. And of course Uhura is upset with Spock's selfish selflessness. At that point the character development is rammed down our throat. The interactions between the characters seem less like how the characters would actually interact and more like the characters acting like exaggerated versions of the themselves. There are only so many times Spock can sit in silence at his inability to understand the emotions being flushed in his face before it stops seeming genuine. The key to character development is subtlety, and every time Spock has a 'moment,' all subtlety is thrown out the window and instead J.J. Abrams flashes a huge sign that says 'THIS IS TOUGH FOR SPOCK' over Zachary Quinto's head. And lens flare. The same occurs for Kirk throughout, which is particularly difficult for me. Anytime they try and play up the complicated character that is James. T. Kirk, I am just not convinced. I know many people love Chris Pine in these films, but I just can't buy into his douchey and smarmy brand of charm. Again, the large flashing sign over his head that says 'HE IS A REBEL AND A VAGRANT, BUT HAS A GOOD AND MORAL CENTER' becomes off-putting. And lens flare. And presumably space herpes.
And whatever that face is. And lens flare.
Upon returning, RoboCop admiral is all mad that the Prime Directive was broken and strips Kirk of his rank. Two minutes later Kirk is the first captain of the enterprise again. 5 minutes later he is captain again. I understand why this was all necessary in terms of the plot, but it was very quick and perhaps if just a bit more time was spent on each stage it would have meant more. Throughout this we see the first glimpses of Benedict Cumberbatch, who really does excel in the villainous role. His mere presence exudes a confident danger, and his deep, British voice is as iconic as ever. It is not long before the paths cross as Cumberbatch is revealed to be John Harrison, a Starfleet agent turned terrorist. We see him splooge out his terrorism all over the Starfleet higher-ups (leading to Pike's death and Kirk's reinstatement as captain). Then a bizarre sideplot occurs. After the attack on the Starfleet commander's terrorist hunting tea party, there is a lot of allusions to Kirk being severely injured. He refuses the medical examination adamantly, Bones comments that something is not right with him, Spock notes the same. Eventually Kirk himself admits that something is wrong. At first I thought this would just be in reference to him losing Pike, but the refusal of the medical and Bones' examination seems odd. I wonder if there was a deleted sideplot about some physical injury here (that would later on be doubly resolved with Kirk's glorious resurrection later in the film).
Either way, RoboCop admiral, having survived the attack, send Kirk and Co. to the Klingon homeworld to snatch up Terrorist Sherlock under the force of 72 top secret torpedoes. Though a risky move (as there are huge tensions between the warfaring Klingon empire and the war profiteering Admiral RoboCop), the enterprise moves out to find adventure and chaos and all that action move jazz.
Star Trek III: RoboCop vs. Xerxes
Kirk, Spock, Uhura, and two red shirts go to the Klingon homeworld of Kronos (man, those YouTube conspiracy theorists are gonna love this movie) where they are inevitably tied down by superior Klingon forces. Luckily they are saved by Benedict Cumberbatch who for this scene plays Vulcan Raven firing a Fuel Rod gun at a bunch of nameless Reavers (never gets old for me).
"SNAAAAAAAKE!"
Once the Klingon "random scouting party" (seriously?) is done with, Kirk encourages Cumberbatch to stand down under the force of the torpedoes. Cumberbatch asks how many. Kirk says 72. Cumberbatch says ok. Which brings us to the summer movie villainous trope fad- the villain is captured seemingly by force, but is obviously part of his plan to manipulate the heroes and do damage from within. I wonder how many times this can happen before the villains in question stop being iconic and start being redundant. I'm not knocking it, I am a fan of it, but it is quite predictable. Once the audience sees this shot of the villain being escorted by serious security as the villain calmly notes his surrounding, you know exactly what is happening.
Pictured: Cumberbatch's John Harrison noting Bruce Banner in the room to his right.
Not pictured: his 72 compatriots with cell phone' bombs stitched into their bellies.
Sure enough, they place him in a cell, take a blood sample that they put into a fuzzy thing (more on this stupidity later), and begin the questioning. Cumberbatch reveals that John Harrison is a lie, and he is Kahn. He reveals that the torpedoes are genetically altered WMD people like he is, and that Admiral RoboCop wanted to use them against the Klingons and yadda yadda yadda. What's important here is that you begin to see the more human side of Kahn, he actually becomes relateable and Admiral RoboCop becomes the baddie. Cumberbatch uses this space to ham up his character a bit, which works out very well (perhaps thanks to my bias of loving Benedict Cumberbatch).
"Welcome gentlemen, to my acting cage."
Of course his ruthlessness (and impressive badassness) later on will cement that he is indeed a villain, but what is bizarre is that RoboCop stays safely irredeemable as well. This is strange as Admiral RoboCop represents the military, he is the face of military interests, and he is an absolute prick. This is only bizarre as the film ends with a dedication to the armed forces post-9/11. So, essentially you just watched a movie about how the government creates a terrorist to create war in a far off world, then exiles them, then abuses them, then gets surprised when that weaponized person turns back and terrorizes his creators, then sends in people to their deaths to stop him, and it ends with a dedication to the post-9/11 war veterans? Sorry, did I say 'bizarre'? I meant, 'painfully and ridiculously obvious social commentary.'
Anyways, it is not long before RoboCop and his superior starfleet ship 'Pegasus' attacks the Enterprise (hehe. Can't stop, won't stop) for custody of the war criminal. Eventually this leads to Kirk teaming up with Kahn to take down the Pegasus which everyone knows will likely end with Kahn in control of the most powerful ship in the galaxy. And... Yep. That is exactly what happens. The Enterprise ends up falling towards earth and to try and save it Kirk has to do some kind of radiation thing. I don't know. What's important is that the Enterprise is nearly destroyed after fucktons of action, and Kirk pays the ultimate price and dies (much like Spock died of radiation poisoning in the original Wrath of Kahn).
"ABRAAAAAAAAAMS!"
"My medical license is revoked?"
THE TRIBBLE LIVES! They can bring Kirk back to life, they just need some super blood. Apparently, they didn't actually use any of the blood they took from Kahn to examine, they just took a vial and said "fuck it, let's inject this into something fuzzy!" I was genuinely in shock about how silly this was, when the movie decided to shove some more stupid into my face. Bones declares urgently, "we can't kill Kahn." You know, because they need him alive to get some of his super blood to save Kirk. Because they didn't keep any of his super blood. But they also need to freeze Kirk in the meantime, so they take out one of frozen 72 genetically modified beings. You know, who are only dangerous because THEY ARE LIKE KAHN AND HAVE THE SAME GENETIC MODIFICATIONS so that they can freeze Kirk. You know, to wait until they can hopefully capture Kahn before Spock sees to turning his face into bloody future jam. So during this time, the crew is trying desperately to keep Spock from killing Kahn, so that they could use Kahn's super blood to revive Kirk, as Kirk is being frozen in one of the 72 containers that hold 72 frozen (and therefore not dangerous) super soldiers with super blood. Just lying there. Like frozen super-blood popsicles. Ugh.
At the end, they keep Kahn and co. alive for another day (but frozen, so that they can be defrosted if a sequel ever calls for it). There is some rushed character resolution and then the crew departs for a five year journey of exploration that could bode very well for future installations. The credits scroll by and we are reminded that this movie was about 9/11, or something.
Never forget.
The movie certainly had its fair share of stupid. The dialogue was frequently forced, the action and the plot were less original and rather just pastiches of Star Trek Sr., other large blockbusters preceding it, and apparently American foreign policy. But you know what? I don't care. It was damned fun. Even when I felt that I was being intellectually insulted, and when the subtext of character relations was shouted at me like Cortana describing mission objectives. Even when Cumberbatch and his oddly Voldermort-esque face were hamming up the room with his soliloquies. Even when the political undertones were as laid out as Ellen Tigh after a five day bender. Even when the mid-credits dedication to post 9/11 war vets was as unnecessary and oddly placed as all of my sci-fi references throughout this review. It was all just great. The soundscapes were impressive. J.J. Abrams tempered his predictable flare for lens flare with some intricate tracking shots and a large array of wide angle actions shots (something I am a sucker for, personally), and for the most part the action flowed nicely along and was always engaging and I am thoroughly excited to see how J.J. Abrams leads the franchise into the future.
Star Trek, may the force be with you. Always.
And lens flare.
Cheers!
NC
P.S. Is it too late to change my Borg vs. Alien request to include Cylons and Daleks?
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